DeTecTiVe BLoo aNd tHe Hookup (DeTecTiVe BLoo aNd DeTecTiVe Mac)
by Princess Cheese Dorito
Summary: Final volume of the Detective Bloo series. It follows the final showdown between Detective Bloo and Berry.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I was screwed, so very screwed. In my final account of being a detective, I'm sorry to say that there is no mystery this time, just a very gruesome fight between me and Berry. But it was still morning, so I was left with stalling the sadistic imaginary friend who still had a crush on me. I never thought we'd be face to face again, I thought she was gone for good. But I was wrong. As long as I'm here, Berry will never leave until she is well-defeated. Like that'll ever happen.

"Bloo, quit stalling and get on with it!" Berry shouted, "Are you scared of me, darling?"

She grinned sadistically.

"You better not be scared, for if you are, you are weak. But to be honest, you're much cuter when you're gullible."

Berry licked her knife.

"Hmm. Nice and sharp." She said, "I don't want to taste your blood, but if it comes down to it, woe is me, it will be a last resort. I don't want to, sweetums, I really don't! So, please don't make me!"

Berry tackled psychotically.

"Oh crap." I said.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"I will finally win against you, dear Detective! Isn't that exciting? Then you'll be mine forevermore!" Berry exclaimed crazily.

"I don't think so!" I said, "I will stop you! Just you wait!"

"Wait for what, you bloody piece of shit?" Berry said, "Your beloved kid? Oh, you're as weak as I thought, your idiotic gullible arse can't do anything without Mac! You're pathetic! But I love you."

"Wow." I said, "You say you love me right after that violent profane speech. I have to say, that's quite impressive. But you're wrong. I'm plenty strong, believe me, but I'm stronger with Mac by my side."

"Cut the crap and fight me, you coward! I'm sick and tired of your stalling! Don't force me to resort to this!" Berry shouted, holding up her knife.

"Very scary." I said sarcastically.

"Why, thank you, my dear." Berry replied, obviously not understanding sarcasm.

"I was being sarcastic, Berry!" I shouted, "Do you have any idea what the bloody hell that means?"

"Sure I do, but I refuse." Berry said, "I prefer to focus on the task at hand, your demise, filthy representation of justice!"

"Oh, it's on!" I said.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Music played in the background, which made me feel like "Really? A musical number?" but it's the story, so I didn't really care. But I had to ask the author of my accounts, a pony by the name of Princess Cheese Dorito.

"Why did you make Berry have a musical number? This is bloody absurd!" I said.

"It's a part of the story, Bloo. Just deal with it. I am an alicorn, you are an imaginary friend. Do you really want to pick a fight with a royal pony?"

"I suppose not." I replied, "But I will never know exactly why... some detective I am."

 _It's On, You Scumbag Lyrics_

 _Berry: Is that how you want to play it?_

 _So, now you're stepping up. I knew you weren't that useless, but a tree's not a tree without its sap. Let me be your sap, I'll take you on an adventure if you don't mind a little competition._

 _So what do you say? Bring it on, on, on! I'm ready for the bleeding kill, I'm ready for the thrill! So bring it on, you, you, you pathetic rubbish._

 _Bloo: I knew you'd have trouble with your choice of words, for all you ever were Is a bloody piece of crap! I knew that's the kind of words you were looking for, you, you, you door. Oh it's on, you scumbag._

 _Berry: Seems like your cute pathetic self has also lost your words and for that I can't wait-can't wait to chop you to bits!_

 _You must cooperate, my dear. No fits when I chop you to bits. It'll be soft and painless and only a prick. Why do you think I'd want to hurt an imaginary friend like you?_

 _But if you must, just leave me in the goddamn dust!_

 _You're a bloody arsehole if you think you'll defeat me and win at my own game._

 _If you must, go ahead and go, leave me in the goddamn dust to die!_

 _If you think you can beat me, put me to the test! See what I'm made of, see what makes me tick. Your results won't be so pretty, in fact you laying lifeless on the cold, cold floor._

 _So, try me if you think you're so damn special, so try me if you think you can defeat me at my own game._

 _Toy around with me, see what makes me tick, and then see what happens to you! Oh it's on, it's on, it's on, it's on, it's on, it's on!_

 _See what makes me tick, push my buttons, I dare you!_

 _Oh, it's on, you scumbag!_

"Not if I can help it." I said, kicking Berry to the ground.

The hot pink psychotic imaginary friend stood back up, licking her knife, just waiting for the perfect time to strike.

"So that's how you wanna play it, huh?" Berry asked, grinning sadistically, "Then consider your stupid arse dead!"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Frankie peeked out to see what was going on. She went up to me and Berry, ready to give Berry a talking to. She grabbed Berry by the hand and pulled her aside.

"Please tell me you weren't trying to kill Bloo." Frankie said, "For if you were, I'm sorry, this isn't a good place for you. If you'd like to stay here, we need to be kind to one another, understand, Berry?"

"I don't care." Berry said, "All I want to see is blood shed right now. I'm psychotic. Let me bleeding be."

"Berry, you come back here this instant! Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends is unsafe with you around!"

"You think I care?" Berry asked, "I will come back every time I have failed Bloo. And since my crush defies me, he will die. It's his choice, wench, it ain't mine. So, don't get in my way!

"Hey, sister! What gives you the right to speak to Frankie that way?! Let alone my friends! Oh, you sure have the bloody nerve, you wench! Why I oughta!" I shouted.

"Are you sure you want to start this, Detective? Are you sure you're sure?" Berry asked.

"Damn straight." I said.

"OK then,but the clock is ticking. Afternoon's coming, but Mac cannot get between us. Between this fight." Berry said.

"I beg to differ." I said.

"Dammit, Detective! You're so difficult!" Berry shouted, "Fine! That bloody little shit can help on one condition!"

"You're really gonna do this?" I said, "You're not only nuts, you're absolutely terrible! Pathetic, need be! But what's the stupid condition?"

"You will love me forevermore." Berry said, "And always confide in me no matter what."

I hesitated.

"Deal." I said, holding out my hand.

"You don't seem too confident, dear." She said.

"I'm not, but I'll do what I must." I replied.

"Good enough." She said, licking her knife before she put it back.

"But I will still try my best to bring justice to Foster's if it's the last thing I do."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It was 4:00 P.M. and Mac had arrived, running to my aid.

"Bloo, what are you waiting for? Let's take her down!" He said.

"We tied a knot, so I'm tied to her for eternity. Deals of the wicked sure suck, don't they?" I said, "But here's the good thing: I'm promoting you to Detective Mac."

"That doesn't mean you can't do anything!" Mac cried.

"I can't harm a hair on her head." I replied, "It's a part of the deal."

"Can't you change it? You're not stupid, so why did you follow through?" Mac asked, "I'm just a bloody 8-year-old boy! Why am I at fault for your stupidity?"

"Don't think too much of it, Mac." I said, getting annoyed.

"But why?" Mac asked.

I groaned frustratedly and began to snap.

"It was morning carrying into the afternoon when you were still in school! I tried to wait for you in order to engage in the fight, but she said she would only let you help if I agreed to love her for eternity no matter what! It was a tough choice, but if I said no, she wouldn't let you participate in the fight and I had no say in the matter, dammit!" I shouted.

"Couldn't there have been another way around?" Mac asked, "Just think it through!"

"I did what I must! I may be your imaginary friend, but I can make my own decisions, you know!" I shouted.

"There has to be a better way! You didn't _have_ to do anything!" Mac counter-argued, "I am aware that you can make your own decisions, but what the heck, Bloo?"

"I did what I could at the moment, OK? But you wouldn't understand because you couldn't be there, so just shut up and listen!" I snapped.

I took a few deep breaths to try and calm myself, but I was too escalated for it to work.

"Could I have defeated her? No. Could I have given into her desires, surrendering because there was nothing I could possibly do? Maybe. So you analyse it, Detective Mac. If you were me, would you still feel like there could be another way? I did whatever the bloody hell I could do, who cares! So, what would you do in that situation? C'mon, I'm literally giving you the darn floor."

Mac took a deep breath, defeated by his own imaginary friend.

"Sadly yes." He replied, "But I still don't understand why exactly."

"You don't need to." I said.

And then I turned to Berry.

"Consider our deal done, dumbo!" I said, "'Cause we're back in business!"

"Hell yeah!" Mac and I exclaimed, high-fiving each other.

And then the final showdown between began, eventually resulting in Berry's defeat.


	6. Author's Final Notes

I hope you enjoyed the accounts of Detective Bloo up to this point. It was really enjoyable to write out his accounts and yes, those are the things Detective Bloo and the others said. Don't you see the M rating?

First Volume of Accounts: T (no excessive language and killing/violence; uses of "crap")

Second Volume of Accounts: T (see reasons above)

Third and Final Volumes of Accounts: M (excessive language and killing/violence; gruesome and intense scenes)


End file.
